Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
