I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
