if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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