i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
