He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
