I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
