i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
