You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
