Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
