thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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