i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
