u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
is wine microwaveable?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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