his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
