you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Who died my cat blue again?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
