she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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