Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
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