How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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