It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
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