Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
