i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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