I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
