Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
