there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
