I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
