I met the friendliest cop last night
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
