Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
