I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
you have to choose: penises or morals?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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