i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Boobs speak an international language.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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