Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
