cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
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