From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I'm both gender and math confused
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
