We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
