She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
In America we eat man semen.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
