I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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