It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
