next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
