Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
