so that wasnt chicken after all
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
