I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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