theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
