i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
