This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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