Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize