i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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