I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
