I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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