i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
