Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
