I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
