I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
