if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
