I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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