Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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