I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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