you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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