; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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