Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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