we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
