i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
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