I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
