the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
