Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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