Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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