we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
