shes about as inviting as chlamydia
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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