the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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