He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
