No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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